We can't shy away from this

There are a lot of topics one can shy away from.  Then there are the ones you focus on.  And sometimes, the ones we focus on are just an excuse to shy away from other topics.  And while that's not happening, there is what you know, what someone else says that contradicts what you know, then sometimes, there's that painful moment when sometimes the contradiction becomes something you now know.  If that makes sense.



And then there's the topic of shyness.



And change.



Perhaps you're wondering what any of this has to do with anything.  Rightfully so.



We knew The Redhead can be a sensitive child.  She can be fiercely independent.  Also dependent.  But I rarely would describe her as shy.  I might from time to time say, "oh, she's pretending to be shy," and that's not really a new phrase to come out of my mouth, typically followed by the word, "dramatics."  And I have every right to say this, in my opinion.  When she was a toddler and strangers would talk to her, she would pretend to sneeze.  She had fake sneezes constantly.  And some of them were very convincing.  Then when she was slightly older than that she caught this fainting goat disease.  When someone would talk to her and tell her how pretty her hair was or her dimples, or just mutter the word, "hello," there she'd go.  Down for the count.  It didn't matter what the surface was, and we often feared she'd end up in the emergency room after she would let herself fall hard onto linoleum, pavement, and any other type of flooring.  She was limp, just like a fainting goat.  It was amazing, truly.  And it wasn't only reserved for strangers.  It was for any moment that she just simply wanted to drop out.  I'm sort of laughing, smiling, and rolling my eyes all simultaneously as I type this.  As cute as it all was to most people, the drama queen act could get under my skin from time to time.  Kids do all sorts of things to pretend to be shy.  They hide their faces.  They bury themselves into their parents' legs.  They quickly turn around.  They scream.  They do all sorts of adorably obnoxious things.  Sometimes, it's all legit.  Other times, it's a farce.


At school, The Redhead has never really been described as "shy" to me.  Which fits fine, since I would never have described her as such either.  She was the kid showing off during ballet and tap with a wide smile.  She loved performing in any sort of way.  She liked the attention, the applause, the flowers we would bring for afterwards.  She was the kid you could count on in front of the class, in any musical show at school, the show stealer, the one with personality and voices and absolutely hilarious facial expressions.  Before preschool, even.  She was the reason people would stop us after a performance once they realized we were her parents and brag about how wonderful she was.  We've lost count at how many times she's been randomly chosen to be on stage as an assistant or participant in shows.  She has helped with numerous magic acts, comedy acts, singing routines, shared her many different accents, and has never failed to be up for the task.  You could always count for that hand to go up any time they needed a volunteer.  She even battled Darth Vader at Disney Hollywood Studios.


And she's done all of those things by choice.



The only reason she hasn't gone into real acting during her childhood is because honestly, we said "no."  We did.  We're dream crushers.  Trust me, we have thrown out the business cards, even when she was a baby.  But we wanted her to have a real childhood.  Without cameras (Mommy's camera doesn't count).  And while we didn't encourage it professionally, we did find other ways to let her have her spotlight.  I even chose her third grade teacher mostly because I knew she had the class put on a movie every year and her second grade teacher and I agreed that would be perfect for The Redhead.  And it was.  She was such a fabulous werewolf and she boasted that she could have had the lead, but she had to be the werewolf.  Her teacher confirmed this.  I wasn't surprised.



Obviously, we moved.  This isn't new.  And she was already sensitive, but a lot of actors and actresses are sensitive.  I found it strange when her teacher this year kept describing The Redhead as shy.  The Redhead also kept saying she was shy.  But well, she does that.  And fakes sneezes.  And drops to the floor as a fainting goat.  And blatantly hides under a chair in the living room as the dogs are being introduced to their pet sitter.  Just a few weeks ago.  That doesn't mean she's actually shy.  It's just another act.


But I was privy to something this morning.  I happened to be dropping some items off in the classroom and the students were getting ready to present their projects.  The Redhead didn't know she had to be in costume first thing in the morning, so we quickly pulled her jumpsuit on.  Then I saw some parents in the classroom and asked if we were allowed to stay.  They ignored me, which I've been used to here.  And so I stuck around.  And after watching three students present their projects, it was The Redhead's turn.  And that's when I witnessed a truly traumatizing event.  She was that shy.  My tiny, outgoing, curly headed child with the dimples and voices and a big personality was a timid, monotone creature.  She was backing herself to the wall, staring at the floor or turning to her note card and her voice never changed.  This wasn't an act.  She was shy.


I suddenly was nauseous.  All I wanted to do was hurl.  When did this happen?  How did we leave Kansas with a bubbly drama queen and arrive in California with a wallflower?  And I think the true reason I wanted to hurl isn't because I was blaming the move.  I was blaming myself.  I used to be perceived as outgoing, some people still think I'm that way.  But secretly, and not always so secretly, I'm incredibly timid.  I just fake it.  It's my version of faking sneezes and dropping to the ground.  I don't talk a lot because I'm friendly.  I do it because it's how I let out all of my nervous energy.  But while I'm presenting anything, or even talking to someone, all I really want to be doing is hiding underneath a table or exiting the premises.  I want better for her though.  I don't want her sensitivities to take over and take away her spark.  I don't want her learning bad habits from her cowardly mother. It's bad enough she has picked up some of my habits and submissive ways, but this, this one would be unforgivable.


I have to be better.


And if I can't be better, surely I can find other outlets for her.  Then a stroke of brilliance hit me.  Drama classes.  We've talked about them for years, but never actually enrolled her.  Now is our chance.  So the search is on for summer drama camps.  I ran the idea past The Redhead and she was beyond excited.  She said, "I've always wanted to do that."  She later claimed to have left her confidence in Kansas.  She said it was easier when she knew everybody.  But I explained to her that she didn't know everyone she performed in front of.  I do think it helped that our school in Kansas offered music and our new school does not.  But I've never shied away from supplementing at home if I thought something was lacking at school, so why start now?  It's time for some new dramatics.  I still don't want a child actress, but the dramatic arts have been known to help build up confidence in children and provide creative outlets.  I think that's exactly what The Redhead needs right now.  We have to find ways to conquer this shyness and build up her confidence again.  My demons don't need to be her demons and being shy isn't an excuse.  It's not going to help her with future presentations in school.  It's time for some serious dramatics again.



As long as we stay clear of sneezes and fainting goats.

Avoiding Disaster

It could have been an epic disaster.  One of astronomical proportions.



And then it wasn't.




Fortunately.



The Redhead has quite a large biography project due tomorrow.  And normally my child is not a procrastinator.  Just recently I was bragging on Facebook on how she insisted on doing three days of makeup homework in one afternoon because it was important to her to get it all finished immediately.  And she has been working diligently on the steps of this project: reading the book, making a poster (as though the subject would be running for President), the cover, and so forth.  She also has to present her report and campaign poster in class.  And then I was reading the assignment sheet and almost choked when I saw the words, "dressed as your subject."  Or whatever the words were.  I'm still traumatized.



Now, I know I wasn't nice at this point.  Because here it is, due tomorrow, presentation is tomorrow, and I'm just now finding out she has to dress up.  As Neil Armstrong.  Which is annoying on many levels.  One....totally last minute.  Two...we used to have half a dozen leftover plastic astronaut helmets from her fifth birthday party....that we chose not to pack.  What on earth were we going to do last minute?!


You can only imagine how angry I was.  Trust me.  Because in reality, my anger far surpassed the imagination.  Even if there was a chance they went over this in class when she was sick, because really, this isn't like her.  I was angry, regardless.



I try to back off as much as possible with her projects.  I know a lot of parents do them for their children, but my kid isn't learning anything if I'm doing the work, except learning that Mommy will do it.  And well, that's not all that valuable of a lesson.  Unless I want a mooch the rest of my life.  And a child incapable of doing her own projects.  But when it comes to this costume, had I known, I would have sewn her some sort of jumpsuit, appliqued a ball cap, and added any other sort of details.  Maybe even construct some sort of helmet.  Not because I wanted to do it for her, but because that would have helped her become Neil Armstrong for her report.  And if I couldn't have sewn it, I would have ordered something from my pals at Amazon.  But finding out all of this at 4 o'clock in the afternoon with a presentation the next day doesn't really make much of that possible.




TRU didn't carry astronaut costumes.  I know they once had something like that, but alas, not anymore, at least not at our closest location.  Party City was our next destination and that was a lost cause.  I was spoiled by the KC area Party City locations.  They were large and helpful.  This one was dismal.  And probably a third of the size that I'm used to.



Then Mister Man had a plan.  He's on a business trip, but from Laguna Beach, he managed to find a costume store in our area, find out they had astronaut costumes in stock, and managed to send us there.  It's almost 90 degrees, my car a/c is still out from last summer, I'm cranky, I didn't have a GPS in my car, but we made it.  And fortunately, they indeed had a costume in her size.  We even could pick from two colors, orange and white.  We also had the option to rent or buy.  I went ahead and shelled out $61 after taxes.  And I know, I know, that's a lot of money.  But it's white.  You and I both know the chances of that staying white at school are quite slim.  I might as well pay the full amount now, rather than pay $32 now and the rest later.



And for last minute peace of mind....it was worth every penny.  Plus, it will give my slightly apprehensive fourth grader a bit more confidence as she presents her report in front of the class.  And that's priceless.

The Little Things

I'm always amused by the little things in life.  I try my best to remember to appreciate them.  To celebrate them.  To share them.



And to never forget them.




And just in case you're curious, it's testing season at our school.  And something I thought was amazing at our old school was how the staff would come together with their students and put together testing incentives and treats for the older grades who were testing, often involving some sort of pun, and the PTO would fund these efforts.  The younger grades would even cheer the testing students on in the hallways on their way to the testing lab.  I thought it all was absolutely brilliant.  Their teamwork and thoughtfulness constantly took my breath away.



And it doesn't appear our school here does quite the same things, which is okay.  It's not going to stop me from stealing some of the things I loved from our old school and implementing them for our new classroom.  Fortunately, The Redhead's teacher was okay with me doing so.  She humors me constantly, luckily.

Those are for day one.  The kisses and mints are for before the test.  The roll-ups are for afterwards. They're not much, but it's something.  I'll also do something for Wednesday's test as well. Like most things I do, I'm not sharing this to make me come across as all that fabulous of a person.  I have flaws just like the next person.  In fact, I know so many people who can tell you all about my flaws.  They'll gladly do it.  They would love to do it.  But I have this belief that if I can do something and I think about doing it, then perhaps I should just do it.  And don't you think those students are worth it?  Tests are a big deal.  Especially state assessment tests.  For a lot of kids, it's a nauseating process.  For some kids, it's just another way for them to feel inferior. Assessment tests are also really stressful on teachers.  Incredibly stressful.  If you've never thought about it, send your teacher some chocolate during test week.  Trust me.  And don't forget the students either.  And especially your own student(s).  It's the little things that make up our lives the most, and for every little thing you do, it does make a difference, no matter how small.  I'm just glad I had the best examples at our old school to learn from in this case.  And if you too want to do something like this, The Pinterestese also have some marvelous ideas.

The Leftovers

I hit two stores on Saturday to take advantage of Easter clearance being 90% off at Target.  Then Sunday, we happened to find just a few things at two different stores, one on our way to the Sacramento Zoo, and one on the way back home.  I found just a bit, and I was okay with that.  After all, I found so much the day prior, it's just the thrill of the hunt.  I'm glad other people found some deals too, at least I'm assuming they did.  I hope they did, because I get such a joy from it, I'm sure I can't be the only one.  If you're a shopper reading this, never assume it's all picked over and gone.

Then I headed to Target this morning to pick up a few items I needed for a project and while there I of course had to peruse the aisles.  And I found more gems.




 Just a few, but I was amazed I found anything.    And that was nice.  After all, I wasn't there to pick up clearance, but suddenly, I wanted to enjoy my Starbucks and drive and next thing I knew, I was at another Target.  And if I hadn't known any better, I would have thought no one had shopped there over the weekend.  I mean, really.  Look at everything I found.  Granted, it was hidden stuff, but I expected better of Target shoppers.

Now curiosity got the better of me.  It was still early.  I'm a curious girl.  And so I had to drive to just one last Target, one of my other favorites.  And yet again.  Really?!  I leave all of this good stuff for everyone else and they didn't even want it?!  So of course, I did what any loyal Target clearance shopper would do.  I bought those items too.  I'm still in shock that I found all of those finds on a Monday after 90% off hit on Saturday.  But, hey, if people want to leave those items for the fourth grade prize box, who am I to stop them?





But I really am done now.  Again, it's the thrill of the hunt anyway.

Easter Explosion

Fact: My favorite time of a holiday is the day everything after a holiday goes 90% off at Target.



I think I lost my mind this morning.  I never clear shelves. That's not my style.  But the fourth grade prize box needed some new tenants, and somehow that inspired me to become someone else this fine Saturday at 8 o' clock in the morning.  By the way, you know I must have been serious to be up that early on a weekend.  Without any sort of soccer game or event scheduled.



But Target clearance is always a huge event.  Obviously.



One other thing unlike me?  I bought almost everything at one store.  Then while texting Mister Man, I was finally convinced by him to drive to one more store.  I must have felt fulfilled because my brain instantly thought, "I hope I find doggy biscuits there."  Not, "I can get more for the prize box."  Nope.  Just doggy biscuits.  I also scored 70% off candy.  It wasn't 90% off like everything else, but that's okay.  I also found a few other stragglers for the prize box.

All from ONE store.  Just one.

I let The Redhead pick out one thing before everything else goes to her class.

These were what I bought for myself.  I love those jars!

Trip #2 wasn't nearly as impressive.  But the dogs are fairly pleased with their 44 cent boxes of doggy biscuits, trust me.




Either way, I had a fantastic time this morning.  I only posted them this late because The Redhead had a guest over, and I didn't want to show off my haul in front of her.  I like to keep our classroom assistance quiet.  Because it's not about showing off.  It's about the thrill of the hunt at Target during 90% off deals. Obviously.

An Important Anniversary Date

April 25, 2013: Mister Man started his job in Sacramento.  It was a Thursday.




If you must know, the prior Monday, he left Kansas at 3am while The Redhead and I slept.  He drove through icy conditions and snow and hit a detour during his travels in Colorado and Wyoming.  Luckily he made it safely to Utah, stayed overnight, made it to Sacramento by 1 on a Tuesday.  Had all of Wednesday to explore and went to his first California workday that Thursday.



I'm glad he still likes his job.  After one year.  It doesn't even feel like one year.  He agrees.  I'm not sure if it's because we didn't join him here until over two months later, or if it's because it was all just a blur to us.  But regardless....he likes his career here.  And we're settled.





April 25th was a pivotal day for us.  I'm blessed to look back on that day with fondness, rather than regret and bitterness.  If you had asked me a year ago, I'm not sure I would have told you that was possible.  Yes, we are blessed.

We actually did go to Disneyland

Just in case anyone who personally knows us is wondering where the pictures are.

 


And California Adventure.

I will share more about our Disney Adventures later, as well as disappointments and other discoveries, but for now, those photos will have to do.