A little over a year ago, what now feels like a lifetime ago, Mister Man received the results from a certification test he had taken in December of 2012. I remember the test week well, as I was at my sickest with yet another bout of pneumonia (we'd become frenemies, I feared), but yet I was working a couple weeks straight and The Redhead was home safe with her sitter while Mister Man was in DC. This started our relationship with the best sitter in the world. This also began a life-changing journey.
Some time in February, Mister Man heard from a couple companies that were interested in his skills and his latest certification, a certification that opened him up to other job opportunities. Sure, he had a job, but he was always up for a new adventure. One company was in Austin, one was in Sacramento. Sacramento opportunities had popped up into our lives over the years, and I suppose, perhaps it was in our destiny. But early in the stages, it included various phone calls and e-mails. Mister Man was bored in his current position, and anything new was sounding intriguing. He always wanted to leave Kansas and move to a coast anyway. I was perfectly content in my chaotic life. Plus, five years prior, he had danced around the notion of moving to Pittsburgh, PA, and we were close to doing it. And then he took an even better opportunity in our area, so in Kansas we stayed. And I didn't have to move.
But this time, this time there was that potential.
I remember when I first brought up this prospect to my work husband. (Yes, thanks to another coworker, that is my term of endearment for him.) We were both despondent over the topic. A lot of sighs happened during the discussion, but I kept reminding him that these sorts of opportunities and discussions have often come up. But we've never actually moved. For a while, it was only really us that knew. I didn't really see the point in telling anyone else yet, because if we didn't move, then there wasn't going to be a need for an explanation. And we almost moved once, and I told a few people then. And then it kept coming up. I'd learned something from that experience. But by the end of February, it'd become more serious of a prospect and I told a couple more people at my lunch table. Austin wasn't even mentioned anymore.
At some point, we brought up the topic to The Redhead, mostly to gather her input, see it from her perspective. She was surprisingly excited about the prospect. Her immediate response was, "I can make friends anywhere." Then she focused on Disneyland, the ocean, and mountains. Then, next thing I knew, it was early March, a year ago. I had just attended a work function where I got to play laser tag for hours (on no sleep, mind you) and a friend of mine, who I had mentioned it to had mentioned it to someone else and I was all, "this is not a sure thing," and I told the friend "let's not have this spread like a plague," because nothing was definite yet, and I need things to be definite. That's how I am. I need everything defined in cement.
That same day, I had to rush to The Redhead's school for a meeting, leaving my beloved laser tag and work husband. I was in charge of the school yearbook and had assembled a committee for it, as I thought a committee might make the yearbook more honest. It complicated my life a bit further, added more meetings and hassles, but I still to this day believe it was the right thing to do. And while getting ready for that meeting and walking along with our yearbook rep, another parent approaches me and says, "I heard you guys are going to be leaving us." I can only imagine how my face looked. I started stuttering and trying to figure out where this came from. The Redhead. Of course. She had told his daughter, who then told her father, who was now saying this to me. Our yearbook rep was loving that it had caught me off guard, but was not loving the potential of me leaving. I explained to him "this is ONLY a possibility." Meanwhile, I was telling The Redhead who was also with us that we didn't need to scare people. That we didn't need to tell anyone until this was actually happening. Her response was, "but it's most likely going to happen."
So during this discussion, more ears were listening. The Redhead's technology teacher was almost getting a little weepy. She told me I still had to send cards. Which is funny, because I had every intention to, and I'm actually doing just that. Then another mom had to give me her input and go on about this being a terrible idea and she knew all about California. After all, she lived on a base there. Once. Then another mom mentioned the high taxes. "Why would you want to live there?" It was just a possibility, people.
By the way, I don't like being put on the spot.
It wasn't The Redhead's fault though. She was just excited. And she was only eight. And she was loving the idea of moving to a coast. Fortunately, the yearbook was finished on time, we left for spring break, meeting Mister Man's parents in Florida. While at Universal Studios, Mister Man spilled about the possible move. Apparently, he thought doing it in the middle of a rollercoaster filled day was the best sort of ambiance for such a serious topic. We hadn't originally intended to even tell them before we knew for certain, but more and more, he was thinking this was serious. And he had to have because we never even told them about Pittsburgh until years later. Plus, he didn't want The Redhead to feel like she had to keep a secret. And since I was experiencing my own turmoil with such a secret, I understood this fully.
In all honesty, we didn't want anyone to know until it was a sure thing. Unfortunately though, it was complicating things. He finally flew out to Sacramento in late March and then negotiations were starting. During his trip to Sacramento, our sitter was with The Redhead and that's when she first heard the news. She was in shock, and I kept assuring her we knew nothing yet. She was already sad at the idea. That was a lot of people's immediate response. Which is exactly why I didn't want anyone else to know. I suppose it's nice to be missed, but still. I only wanted people to cry if it was truly necessary; if it's ever necessary.
But then it was time for our April PTO meeting where we were discussing officers. I was the secretary and everyone was expecting an answer from me for next year, and I couldn't give them one. I didn't feel like I could commit. They kept taunting me with the prospect of the presidency, which I didn't want anyway. That wasn't in my comfort zone, but nor was the idea I could be moving. Even though I didn't want to, I went ahead and broke the news to my boss the very same day, even though nothing was set in stone. I did this because at the meeting, one of the other officers worked for the same company. And I knew at that meeting, I was going to end up confessing about the move. And I didn't want my boss to hear about it from anyone else but me. He was glad about that and he also admitted she probably would have told him. Not out of spite or anything, but it was probable she would say something. At the meeting, a lot of people were in shock. Two had already known, but many didn't. Luckily at this point, negotiations were heated and serious, so I knew we'd know something within a couple days.
The next day I was assisting with Kindergarten Round-up. The news had exploded to everyone, and I kept answering questions. I just kept repeating, "they're still negotiating." But honestly, I had a feeling.
Perhaps I'd known all along.
I know my work husband and I both had similar feelings. Similar fears. We just kept dancing around such a delicate issue. Yet painfully reminding ourselves of the possibility.
Less than a year ago, early April, it was settled. We were going to be moving. But this isn't about the finality of that decision. This isn't about the stress of living apart or moving across country. It's not about the difficulties in leaving the comforts of what you know. This is about what lead up to that moment. This is about how such a major change could complicate your life, even the mere thought of it. Before anything was final. So much depended on it. Life practically stopped. I was holding my breath from February to April. The not knowing was killing me. And despite what a hateful someone told a friend of mine, I did not know we would be moving in October when I took my former position. Because had I known, I would have handled it the same as how I handled other elements in my life. And thank goodness I hadn't known in October. That would've added even more months to the suspense. And my work husband and I would have sat with that sadness even longer. The prospect of our friendship having distance between us. I get chills thinking about it.
And sitting with an overwhelming possibility like that, with an unknown future is hard enough the way it is. But when it's all over, when it's finally final, finally concrete, you have just memories. And another adventure.
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