American Sniper. I've seen the posters for a while now and I wasn't sure what sort of movie it'd be. Would it be worth watching? Well, throw in an Oscar nomination and there I was, ready to watch it, breaking my own rule of not watching intense, war movies in theater. I can't usually handle them, but seeing Bradley Cooper on the screen before he loses his third attempt at an Oscar statue? In a row? Okay, I was in.
What I didn't expect was a theater full of people. Twelve minutes before the movie started, I was stuck in the third row from the screen. And that's in California. Sure, in Kansas I would have been stuck on the floor, but in California, few people show up to movies early. At least to any of my theaters. This was in the largest theater and it was a packed mad house. It reminded me of the time I finally went to watch the Blind Side and I had to sit in the very front row in the largest theater...four weeks after the movie had initially come out. And I go see movies alone, so if one person has trouble finding a seat...you know it's packed.
American Sniper has made $105 million in one weekend, or $107 million, depending on the articles you read. Either way, that's a lot of money for a January release. The only movies that come out in January are typically Oscar flicks and bad movies. But neither ones make much money. Why is it making so much money? Well, it is a patriotic film. It's a war movie. Clint Eastwood directed it. I would say it's because it's Oscar nominated, but that rarely has much to do with getting the crowds in. I don't care what anyone says. I see a lot of movies, I'm fairly privy to these things.
It may have helped that Michael Moore called snipers cowards and that caused an uproar, as his comments often do. Either no one listens to him...or they get mad over a few words. I don't see how a sniper in war is a coward, honestly. But that was Michael Moore's Freedom of Speech in place, and remember, it's still Freedom of Speech, even if you disagree with what they're saying. So to all those people in my Facebook feed damning Michael Moore and Seth Rogen to untimely deaths....it's Freedom of Speech when the people you support say asinine things....it's still Freedom of Speech now. Really. Seriously. I'm serious here. It'll be okay, I promise.
So maybe those remarks that stirred such an outrage also sparked the huge demand at the box office. It's possible.
Maybe it's the idea of everyone being able to cheer in unison when an Iraqi sniper is finally shot. YAY! Cheer! I didn't cheer though. I'm the crazy liberal who believes there are typically no winners in war and that that guy believed just as much in what he was doing as the American soldiers. But the crowd cheers anyway! YAY! Isn't blood great?!
Don't get me wrong, it was a good film. I'm sure that's why so many people are pouring in to see it.
Or maybe, just maybe it's because of something else.
Something else not expected in an Oscar-nominated film.
Something that will steal my focus in a film that requires much of my attention?
What....?
What in front of my wandering eyes did appear...?
What...?!
IS THAT A FAKE BABY SIENNA MILLER IS PRETENDING TO BREASTFEED?
AND NOW IS BRADLEY COOPER HOLDING THAT FAKE BABY?!
OH PLEASE STOP WITH THE FAKE BABY, I'M TRYING HARD NOT TO LAUGH.
So....it's a very serious moment in the film, and here is the dreaded emotional lull. I don't do well in emotional moments in film anyway. The chick dying of cancer? I start giggling. Seriously. Uncomfortable, emotional silence and I start giggling. Add in an obviously fake baby? A disgustingly fake plastic baby? Oh man. I was trying to hold back my giggles so much so I started choking. And it's a packed theater. I could hardly contain myself. This emotional moment between the two stars and my eyes won't leave the fake baby. Is this really happening? Did Clint Eastwood really direct an Oscar-nominated film with Bradley Cooper with a very fake baby in this emotional scene?
I'm afraid he did.
And Bradley Cooper and Sienna Miller deserve golden statues for being able to pull off such a scene without laughing themselves to oblivion. Because I was dying inside from the need to laugh.
Now I don't know the reasons behind this obviously fake baby. Does Bradley Cooper have a paralyzing fear of infants? Does Sienna Miller refuse to breastfeed real babies? Do they have contracts stating they aren't to be near tiny little beings? I.don't.know.
But the problem with such a travesty and inconsistency in a film like this one is that anything, and I mean anything, distracting in a film.....I'm gone. My brain has left the proverbial building. I see movies in theater for a reason. I can't sit still. I force myself to behave in movie theaters and sit there quietly. You have no idea how difficult this is for me. Shutting down my body is hard enough. Then I have to shut off my mind. And that's impossible. Keeping my attention for a prolonged amount of time is a difficult feat. Watching movies at home usually takes about four hours because I use the pause button A LOT. And that's for a movie less than two hours. So in the theater, I have to stay focused, otherwise I'll miss something, and even more than being easily distracted....I hate missing ANYTHING.
But now there was a fake baby on the screen. In an emotional scene I didn't want to watch anyway. So, I started doing what any rational person with a slight case of ADHD would do. I started thinking about a blog post about fake babies. I started thinking about jokes involving the fake baby from American Sniper. I started thinking, "only cowards hold fake babies." "Is that a real baby you're holding or this a scene out of American Sniper?" "Came for the patriotism, stayed for the baby."
Yes, I'm that mature.
But my mind did wander. All over the place. I should have left at that point, honestly. Not because the fake baby ruined everything...but it certainly distracted me. I was focused up to that moment. I was doing well...for me. Which is saying a lot during an intense war movie. I usually have to watch these at home so I can pause in part just to keep myself from hiding under blankets. It's not that I don't like war movies, but the intensity gets to me. And frankly, I enjoy movies these days that are enjoyable. Then again, this movie did have some enjoyable qualities.
Because who can't enjoy a movie being plagued by fake babies?
I come home and discover a plethora of articles dedicated to one very, obviously fake movie screen baby. It turns out I wasn't the only movie patron distracted by that fake baby. Many people were. And I hope when they show scenes from the movie when Bradley Cooper's name is called for the nomination, that they show THAT scene.
The articles on the fake baby are worth looking at though. They are hilarious.
And while some people don't think it should void out such a masterpiece.....I disagree. How can a movie be a true masterpiece when a prop is so distracting? So to all the people out there thinking Clint Eastwood was snubbed an Oscar nomination for best director. Was he? Was he really?
Or was it just a courtesy?
I suppose the rest of the public can decide. Either way, the best comical film moment so far goes to that scene. Especially since it wasn't intended. Don't get me wrong though. I'm not telling you not to watch it. But remember, fake babies cannot be unseen.
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